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Standing for Marriage Restoration


Group Leader: Kindy
Kindy

Group Description

This is the place for men and women trusting God to bring their prodigal spouses home from the "far country". Seeking God's healing power, trusting His Word and believing what He promises. If you believe that marriage is truly "until death us do part", then this is the place for you. This is not a place to whine, nor to complain about what your spouse has done or is doing. This is however, the place to share the truths God is revealing to you as you stand firm for the covenant of marriage, regardless of a spouse leaving, a piece of paper that says the marriage is legally over, or even the entrance of "someone else". Together we can agree that God alone can restore and heal our marriages, that God alone can change US as well as our beloved spouses and that God alone must get the glory when a marriage is beautifully renewed. For where two or more agree together, there will God be also, and nothing is impossible for those who believe. Mark 9:23 RIC

This group was formed on 7/22/07.

Members (44)

  • mom27g
    mom27g
  • Mrsjaybee
    Mrsjaybee
  • Amazing
    Amazing
  • Kindy
    Kindy
  • hopelssromantic
    hopelssromantic
  • SherryAnn
    SherryAnn
  • Pajamamomma
    Pajamamomma
  • tessalynn
    tessalynn
  • ussoldiergirl08
    ussoldiergirl08
  • jloski
    jloski
  • AndiGump
    AndiGump
  • newgirl
    newgirl

« < 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 > »

Comments

Viewing 1-15 of 87 comments

KellyAnn
KellyAnn

Posted on September 4, 2008 8:45:09 AM PDT

Hello Ladies.  I am new to this group.  I am happy that I will be making some new Christian friends.  My Story:  I have been married for 12 years and we have three young children 7, 5, and 3.  I was raised in a Lutheran home but church was just something that everyone did on Sundays, like eating breakfast and mowing the lawn.  There was no talk of a personal relationship with Jesus or salvation, etc.  Faith in God was the last thing on my mind until April of this year. I just came to the point in my life where I knew that something was missing that only God would satisfy. I accepted Jesus as my savior and my world has changed.  I spend a lot of time in prayer, reading books by Christian authors, and my Bible.  Enter problem:  my husband is an athiest.  He is just floored by my belief in God.  He is not too nasty, but he will make fun of me and "my imaginary friend", etc.  He tells my kids that Jesus is not real, he is a myth.  I feel like I have to hide by Bible, reading materials, etc.  I do most of my reading, Bible or otherwise, on my lunch break.  It is the only place where I can be me.  Any comments or help on how to be Christian and be married to an athiest.  Have any of you been married to an athiest that became a believer?  Help. Help. I would like to state that my husband is a good guy.  He is gainfully self employed.  He is loyal to me and to his children and he cares about us more than anything. RIC


newgirl
newgirl

Posted on April 20, 2008 1:38:38 PM PDT

I don't know of any good advice in this situation especially since your husband is refusing any type of counselling.  He sounds like a little child, screaming at you like that.  I feel really bad for you.  I can understand your feelings about divorce especially since you know how hard it will be.  But, I do agree that it's best to do it "legally" to ensure your child is cared for.  I will be praying for you and your husband and that God will work in his life.  Maybe he just has to be without you to realize what he has.  It won't be as easy for him to make it as he thinks.    If he does leave, at least it will be him leaving and not you.  There is a difference.  And, I know you can make it!  Plus, your family might surprise you and be supportive even if they don't agree. RIC


busymom
busymom

Posted on April 16, 2008 6:50:20 PM PDT

Searching for advice.  My husband of almost eight years told me tonight that I was to take our three year old and move out by the end of June.  He stopped going to church in January and since then, everything has been downhill.  He added the playboy channel to our television lineup and I've heard him "satisfying" himself in our living room in the wee morning hours while watching this filth on television.  I have remained faithful and committed to our sex life since he started this in January.  I thought things were better and we have been house hunting.  Tonight he tells me he wants to move to a 3 bedroom apartment in the ghetto and I told him I'd rather look elsewhere, where it is safer and there are better schools.  He said he didn't care what I thought and that he planned to have his own bedroom when we moved.  I told him I wasn't okay with this and now he wants divorce.  He's said this kind of stuff before, but never like this.  He cursed at me in front of our son while screaming at the top of his lungs that he hates me.  I do not want to divorce him.  I want him to work through his issues but he is refusing counseling.  He has struggled with depression for quite some time and is not willing to see a doctor.  I feel like I must insist on a legal seperation to protect my son and insure that my husband is bound to provide for him.  I already know that my family will not be supportive of this seperation so I will be completely on my own.  I am a teacher and do not have a huge income and do not see myself having an easy future ahead of me.  Am I stupid to insist on the legal seperation?  I told him that I refused to be the person to file for divorce and that he must do that.  I can't contest it, because then I won't be able to specify the things I'll need to make sure our son is taken care of.  But at least it won't be me who filed.  Any advice here? RIC


Nena
Nena

Posted on March 29, 2008 8:40:21 AM PDT

bigad615

I'm probably speaking out of turn here, as I haven't been around to learn all the details. But it appears as though your marriage problems are based on your spouses financial dicisions that you feel are irrisponsible and not adequate to support your family. While I know that can be devastating, I'm pretty sure it's not adequate reason to break up a family. Also, it seems that you are determined to move you and your children away from their father. Isn't it a wife's place to stay with her husband though "richer or poorer?" I'm not saying that your husband is right. All marriages have financial dissagreements. If he doesn't love his family or want to be a father to his children, then by all means consider leaving. But if he does love his family, and just wants to support them "his way" have you considered trying to help his build his business? Maybe you have. Have you gotten counseling?  Maybe so. Believe it or not there are worse things that a spouse can do that would warrent leaving him. I don't know the facts, maybe he has done worse things. So I can't say you "shouldn't" leave. Only that you need to make sure you're leaving for the right reasons.  God bless you and your family, and I'm praying He saves your husband and your marriage so that you and your kids can feel secure and cared for without having to split the family.

RIC


Donna74
Donna74

Posted on March 18, 2008 4:56:21 PM PDT

Hello All-

I have fixed the problem of the T.D. Jakes passage appearing twice, due to my lovely, malfunctioning computer yesterday. I hope that all of you and your families are well. Take care and God bless.

Peace and Love,

Donna

RIC


Donna74
Donna74

Posted on March 17, 2008 6:21:52 PM PDT

The T.D. Jakes "Let it Go" posted twice due to my computer (just for a change) malfunctioning. Sorry. Hope that all of you ladies and your respective families are all well. Jloski- I am praying for yours and your families' situation at this time. Take care and God bless.

Peace and Love,

Donna

RIC


Donna74
Donna74

Posted on March 17, 2008 6:08:42 PM PDT

Let it go for 200 8 …  
 
 

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.  I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
 

 Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the ten! th spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ............

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ..................

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself   and God is saying "take your hands off of it,"   then you need to.....

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 20 0 8 !!!


LET IT GO!! !!

Get Right or Get Left ... think about it, and then.

LET IT G O!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity. (Literally it is only ONE minute!)

All you have to do is the following:

You simply say "The Lords Prayer" for yourself and for the person that sent you this message:

The Lords Prayer

Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.   Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.   For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.

Amen.

RIC


newgirl
newgirl

Posted on March 15, 2008 11:53:35 AM PDT

jloski I will pray for you as you go thru this time in your life.  I will also pray that God will continue to work on your husband's heart. RIC


Stargazer4081
Stargazer4081

Posted on March 15, 2008 9:18:52 AM PDT

jloski, I am praying for you! RIC


Stargazer4081
Stargazer4081

Posted on March 15, 2008 9:18:10 AM PDT

I saw someone else had mentioned the book, "LOVE AND RESPECT" by Emerson Eggerichs, and I cannot speak enough volumes about how this book has dramatically changed my marriage for the better.  Another good book is "Rescue Your Love Life" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  With prayer, open communication, forgiveness, respect, love, and these books, a marriage can turnaround.  I also recommend Christian counseling. RIC


jloski
jloski

Posted on February 29, 2008 9:26:20 AM PST

Sisters,

I am in desperate need for prayer.  My husband is planning on moving out. 

Some of you know, that we have come a long way and God has restored and rebuilded our marriage.  My husband is NOT a believer (I wasn't when we married) and God has softening his heart. 

All of the sudden he said he wasn't happy.  He wasn't sure why, he just wasn't.  He feels like we are missing a connection.  We have been to counseling and he says I am the perfect wife, but he needs that connection.  I don't know what to even think.  We even up to this point have not have one arguement, our sex life is striving, we talk, play and share.  I don't know what to think. 

I feel God is pulling him closer and my husband is freaking out, he is afraid.  In the mean time our family might need to go thru a divorce  so he can surrender to God. 

I want my husband to give his life to Christ and I believe this is just something that has to happen in order for God to fully rebuild and restore.  Tha last two years of our marriage have been beyond my dreams.  I am afraid of the pain that is to come for my husband, my kids and I.

Please pray for God's proctection on my family and especially for my husband.

Thanks!!

God is faithful

RIC


jloski
jloski

Posted on February 29, 2008 9:18:13 AM PST

mrssuggs-Buy and read  Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

I believe it will open your eyes to a lot of new things and encourage you to try things a different way. 

 

RIC


newgirl
newgirl

Posted on February 15, 2008 5:28:01 PM PST

B.A> You will be in my prayers while you go thru this time in your life.  Remember, it's just a time that you are going thru.  And, you will go thru it.  RIC


bigad615
bigad615

Posted on February 13, 2008 7:24:18 PM PST

Hello everyone:

 Thank you all for your responses.  It is helpful to have an outside perspective.

Well, I must report that we have decided to get a divorce. I am heart broken, but also feel a sense of relief - at least a decision has been made.  However, we both have our weak moments when we come back to each other and say we want to work it out.  I am reluctant and hesitant to trust my husband.  I have one request, that he get a regular job, instead of self employment.  He refuses.  As a result, I just don't think it will work.

 Now the major issue is custody of our children.  I want to relocate to California to be closer to my family and for financial reasons.  My husban is vowing to fight me.  So it looks like we're going to court.  PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!  I DON'T KNOW IF I'M COMING OR GOING!  I'M HAVING ANXIETY ATTACKS AND DEPRESSION.

RIC


Donna74
Donna74

Posted on February 1, 2008 8:00:48 PM PST

Hey BigAd-

I have some advice for you, which most on this board will most likely disagree with, BUT I will base my advice according to your description of what is happening between you and your husband. Just to clarify, I have done case management in the past, and have been in a relationship for about 5 years now with the person I hope that God has in mind for me to marry, BUT other than that, I am just a regular gal, NOT a therapist/counselor.

Hello everyone.  I have just joine TCW because just like many of your I am currently struggling in my marriage.  I have been married for 10 years.  We have two children, 9yo and 21 months.  Currently we are contemplating divorce. 

Divorce, in my opinion, should certainly only be considered in extreme circumstances AFTER attempting counseling, reading self help books, prayer etc.  It is NEVER an ideal solution, and is ALWAYS heartbreaking, BUT is sometimes the correct solution. I usually do not presume to be so arrogant as to tell someone how to handle their business, as whether or not a marriage can be saved is between the marriage partners and God. However, there are exceptions to the rule, and I strongly beleive yours is one of them. God meant for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and it sounds to me like your husband doesn't even come close to that standard, and has no interest in trying.

We are experience severe financial trouble.  My husband has always been irresponsible with money and we have always struggled to make ends meet. My husband has his own construction/mortgage business.  Due to the problems inthe housing industry, his buisness is very slow.  And the money his does make, his puts into his business and often ignores that needs of our family.    Anyone could have money problems,especially in today's economy, and we all have certainly made financial mistakes (myself and my honey included), BUT your husband does not seem to be interested in taking the necessary steps to correct those mistakes, only to feel sorry for himself, which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. BUT for your husband to put ALL of his money into his business, and to totally ingore his family's needs is selfish and wrong on his part.

We have been evicted/foreclosed on every apt/house we have lived in (5 altogther). Wow. That is A LOT of times to be evicted. I know only God is truly supposed to judge, BUT that sounds like your husband has been extremely irresponsible. Both you as a woman, and most definately your children deserve a husband/father who will make every diligent effort to ensure their past,present, and future security. Again he does not appear to have a desire to do so.

 Currently, we are living in a house with his parents.  There is not enough room for our kids and my mother in law  is -quite honestly - getting on my nerves.  I feel like a maid, because I am the only adult who consistently washes dishes, cooks, and cleans.

The fact that there is not enough room for all of you at this time can't be helped. The fact that you are the only adult out of 4 adults taking responsibility for the household chores is UNACCEPTABLE!!!! Slavery was abolished 150 and change years ago. You need to bring this to your husband's and in laws attention yesterday.

I am so frustrated and anxious, as I have been told numerous times that we will be moving and getting our own house.  However, my husband is trying to buy a $350K house, which we cannot afford -  especially if his business continues to be slow.

I am not overjoyed at mine or my honey's  financial circumstances at this time either. Because of our circumstances, we are both living with relatives at this time as well. (Because we are both Christians, living together, without at LEAST being engaged 1st is outta the question.) And we cannot take that step right now due to finances, so we just have to pray on that, and believe that God will help us through it. Until then, we have to accept help from our families, as that is the best we could afford at this time.

I believe that my husband is going through a mid-life crisis, due to his string of financial failures.  My husband initially brought divorce up because he feels we are 'too different'. 

Every person on the planet is different. The only way you could be the same is if you marry yourself or a sibling, and let's NOT go there. That is an excuse, and WHY do you want some1 who doesn't want you?!?!?

 In the last couple of years, my husband has taken to drinking frequently and would like us to be in the 'Swingers lifestyle'.  He accuses me of being a prude and not wanting to have fun. 

He puts you down for your values, is an alcoholic, and wants other women. Didn't Jesus say even "looking at another woman and lusting after her in your heart" constitutes adultery?" Wanting your husband to be faithful (and NO NOT just by Clintonian definitions of faithfulness) does NOT make you a prude, or "not fun", it makes you a good woman with appropriate values. (Something he appears to severely lack.)

I have tried to be more fun-loving by drinking more often than I normally would and have even participated in 'swinging', in a effort to make him happy.   But to no avail. 

That is because you are trying to be something you are not in order to please him, and keep him. You have EVERY RIGHT to be who you are, and to honor your own needs and preferences as a woman. (Despite what we were ALL taught growing up.)

Just today, I tried to bring up the option of buying a less expensive house and he told me that I have mastered the art of kicking him, when he is down. 

I've dealt with too many people like this, and I am seriously agin' it. No matter what some people do (both men and women), and however irresponsible they are, they ALWAYS try to make it about how you are picking on them and how the whole world is against poor them. (actually taking the necessary steps to better themselves and their circumstances is out of the question, because it actually requires self examination, and WORK!!!!)

 I tried everything I can think of to get him to be financially responsible.  I've suggest establishing and maintaining a budget, attending Financial Peace classes at church, reading books, etc.  But he will not listen. 

You have "planted the seed", and offered to help him, as you should do as a wife. BUT this is something he must learn to do for himself. You CANNOT and SHOULD NOT do it for him.

I also recently found out that my husband attempted to cheat on me (but his body would not comply) at a swinger party.

The fact that his body wouldn't comply suggests that he DID engage in intimate kissing/touching/etc. with other partners, which, (in MY mind, and I believe in MOST people's minds) constitutes cheating. (Unless we are using a Clintonian definition of what constitutes sex and/or cheating.)

I am now beginning to desire a divorce, which is devastating to me.  I am a child of divorce and swore that I would never put my children through that experience.  However, I just can't take it anymore.  I don't feel I deserve to be treated this way. 

Divorce is ALWAYS a tragic thing, and NEVER, EVER an IDEAL solution. But children are very perceptive and observant. They might not be old enough to know why, BUT they realize that there is tension between their parents, and they pick up family dynamics VERY easily. In addition, your relationship is the blueprint that your children will view as "normal", when they are ready to form their own relationships/marriages as adults.  Is this type of relationship/marriage the type of marriage you would want for your children as adults? (I hope not.) Although your children WILL initially be devastated, as you were when your parents divorced, they will come to undertand WHY it happened as they mature. You will make MANY, MANY, MANY decisions for your children as they grow up that they won't understand or agree with while they are still children. BUT you still have to do what you must do as an experienced adult, and as their parent who wants what is in their best interest.

 I am struggling to pray about this situation or anything else.  At times I feel abandoned by God, although I know better.  I am trying desparatly to keep my vows, but I don't see any end to the financial problems (my main issue) and I am not longer willing to deal with my husband's 'lifestyle".

Honey, your husband's lifestyle is UNACCEPTABLE. You shouldn't have dealt with it for as long as a SECOND!!! I get that no one is perfect, and that we ALL need God's grace and forgiveness. BUT this does NOT appear to be a 1-2 time (forgivable) lapse in judgement. It appears that your husband has had a blantant disregard for yours and your children's welfare for quite some time now, and your in-laws appear to be enabling his "lifestyle" and his shoddy treatment of his wife and children.

I know that if I divorce I would move to live close to my parent (2000 miles away) and am very worried about what that will do to my children. 

Children are more resilient then most people give them credit for. Yes they will have difficutly with a divorce at first, and you would probably need some type of counseling, Christian or otherwise, to heal as individuals and as a family. BUT they WILL come through on the other side with plenty of love, attention and prayer.

I desparately need prayer, advice, and encouragement. 

Well, I gave you the best advice/encouragement I know how, and will certainly pray for your situation. BUT I still maintain that whatever you or anyone else does about your marriage is between you, your spouse and God. You can preserve yours and your children's well being, pray for your husband from a distance, and always reunite with him in the event that he makes the necessary positive changes to be able to care for both himself, you, and your children. However, I also believe you have to do what you must to preserve the dignity and well being of yourself and your children.

Thank you for providing a space for me to get this out. 

No problem. Love/Marriage is supposed to uplift and heal. It is not supposed to hurt either physically or emotionally. Take care and God Bless.

Donna

 RIC


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